Eek, mine must be 50k over!

Good one Gordon! Is that the original engine?

Gotcha :)

Get well soon!
If you can possibly get one, get a new fob so you're able to use your P38 with confidence. We can sync it as long as the various bits are all working properly.
I'm not sure from your post whether you can start your car at the moment.
Are you locking with the key or the fob?
As I understand it you should be able to unlock with the key, enter the EKA using the door lock and then drive around just fine as long as you lock/unlock with the key only.

Where were you quote £185? if that's inc VAT it's a lot cheaper than my local stealer who wanted about £100 more.
You're about 90 minutes west of me, once I get a misfire sorted out we could meet up with my nano?
Morat

I'm pretty sure that if my P38's previous owners had paid attention to the drive shaft UJs and viscous coupling I wouldn't have spent anything like as much on the front suspension. I don't regret it now, because I have a fresh front end but it has been a bit frustrating at times.

If you click on my username on the left of this post, you'll see the list of what I've replaced between 98000 and 130,000 miles - some might be on your list too!

Great spot! So your P38 is slowly edging away from the flames?

work lights would be handy, no doubt! tbh, I'm at the age now when I want them during the summer too!

Report it to ebay, listing your concerns?

Anyone can be uncomfortable! :)

Thanks! I needed some validation before I pushed the PayPal button again....
I think this is going to the garage, it's too dark, cold and wet outside to be arseing around with a headtorch. They can take the risk on the 6 remaining oversize plugs too!

She's been running fine on short trips since the Spark Plug debacle, but heading up the A19 tonight she started misfiring and feeling very rough.
My first thought was "Oh God, I've killed the cylinder with swarf from cutting the thread".
I couldn't get the Nanocom to connect either so I was filled with woe for another hour and a half until I decide to pull over again and give the Nano another go. This time it hooked up (I think I'd chosen the wrong vehicle or something) and showed me loads of multicylinder misfires, adaptation errors, and more interestingly misfires on pot 4.
The one I F"£$%D up was pot 6 on the other head (and the spark plug is still hanging in there) so I'm hoping this is unrelated.

Is it fair to assume that the first thing to do with a single cylinder misfire is to check the plug/wire for that pot? I think it's time to get the correct 14mm plugs and swap the rest over. My working theory is that cylinder 4 was misfiring enough to affect the reading from the O2 sensor which leaned out the rest of the engine. I'm hoping it's just an ancient old plug and not my cack-handedness that has trashed the whole engine :(

FWIW, idles sounds OK. Light throttle also OK so I cruise can at 70 on the flat but as soon as we start going uphill you can feel the engine "hunting" slightly and a lack of power.

Both my LPG vehicles make steam like crazy on a cold morning, especially a damp one. It's enough for me to wonder about head gaskets but one of them has had two in my ownership and it was always like that whether it needed a new HG or not. If you're not using amounts of coolant I don't think it's that.
Are you sure it's not oil burning? valve stem seals might be worth investigation.

sounds nice, but I've driven auto one and I wouldn't recommend. The manuals are rare, but I saw a touring on ebay recently for £15k (in very nice condition)

Time to buy a Nanocom, it'll save you money in the long run. Possibly the short run too.
You'll need to know what type of engine you have. GEMS is the older type, THOR is the 99+ with the "bunch of bananas" intake manifold.
https://www.nanocom-diagnostics.com/products
Get one of those with the license for your engine and you'll be able to ready any faults.

If the battery went flat with the car locked you could could simply be immobilised, but behaviour depends on the year so we need to know that first.

EAS = Electronic Air Suspension (or similar!)

M62TUB44 claimed 292bhp @ 5400 and 325lb/ft at 3600 vs 220bhp @ 4750 and 300lb/ft at 2600.
They're very different engines in character. The E39 would waft along quite happily in any gear (being 400kg lighter than a P38) but to make progress you had to change down a gear or two. Not exactly a chore with the nice 6sp manual (although the auto was a bit of a slowpoke) but it was a totally different character of vehicle.

edit: put lb/ft instead of bhp (duh!)

M62B44 is light years from the Rover V8 and the L322 used the TU version with VANOS variable valve timing so you'd almost certainly need to use the correct/original ECU which will be CANBUS. You could lock the cams, but that's a bit of a waste.
A nice little challenge for you, Richard!
It's a great engine, I loved the one we had in an E39.

Welcome to the asylum :) I'm sure you'll get on famously! I think we need some pictures of your weird obsessions though :)

That's very generous, thank you! I'll have a poke around and see if I can work out what is meant to go between that kit and the phone. I don't suppose it has anything as simple as a 3.5mm socket on there does it? :)